Uncertain Feelings
by Jyuoa
Summary: Elena has trouble getting her feelings into her diary while sitting at the river. What happens when she unexpectedly encounters Stefan? Set after 5x04, a few days after Bonnie's memorial, but before 5x05. A Stelena one-shot.


Elena was sitting alone by the lake. Only a few days had passed since Bonnie's memorial and she needed time to herself. Sure, her friends had been understanding, but she couldn't help but feel that something had been missing. It's why she'd run off to the lake in the first place.

She found herself writing in her diary. Since the old one had burned with the rest of her house, she'd gotten a new one from Caroline when they moved from the house, who remembered it was important to her, though didn't exactly know the reason for it.

For some reason, writing here reminded her of the days where she'd visit her parents at the cemetery and write. She closed her journal, feeling frustrated. It was as though she was blocked, didn't know what to write in it. Sure, she was upset about Bonnie, but with everything else going on, it was just, confusion. She had no idea how she felt right now. She slid the diary into her bag and stood up.

"Elena?" She turned around.

"Stefan. What are you doing here?"

"I was out here for a while, walking around. I thought that was you, but I wasn't sure until now. If you want, I can leave." He turned to go.

"No, wait." She grabbed his arm. "Please don't go. I'm actually happy to have company. Especially with what's been happening lately."

"I'm sorry about your friend." Stefan told her as they sat down together. "Even if I don't remember her, I know that she was important to you guys."

"She was important to you, too." Elena said. "You two were good friends."

"Tell me about her."

"Well, she was a witch." Elena told him. "And I don't mean in the mean girl sense, she could actually do magic. She was brave, smart, and just a great person to be around. She always stood up for what she believed in. You two were alike in that department."

"She sounds incredible."

"She was. Whenever we had a serious threat or problem to deal with, she'd be the one to come up with a spell to help us." Elena said. "She was like a sister to me." She turned to face him. "You know, you actually helped her when she started practicing."

"She didn't use me as a target, did she?"

"No, you were emotionally supportive and helped her when she got into trouble." Elena explained. "There's this one time where these vampires kidnapped us to force her into doing a spell. You managed to save both of us."

"I thought witches hated vampires, at least, that's what I heard."

"Well, she was new at it and you were friends for a couple months before she got her powers. She could be a little judgmental at times, but no matter what, her heart was always in the right place." She looked out at the water. "I'm really going to miss her."

"I wish I could remember her. She sounds like a good friend." Stefan told her.

"I've got a few pictures on my phone." Elena said. She pulled it out and showed it to him. "This is from the first day of class." He looked at the picture. It was Elena, with Caroline on one side of her and a dark-haired girl with green eyes on the other.

"You three must've been pretty close."

"We were. All of us were pretty close before all this stuff happened, but even with the supernatural events, we've all stayed good friends and started new relationships." Elena told him. "Here's a picture of us after our first big game."

It was a picture of the girls, all in cheerleading uniforms. Two guys were on the ends of the group, both wearing football uniforms. He barely recognized them.

"The blonde one's Matt, we used to date before the accident." Elena told him. "We were kind of fighting before then, anyway." She cleared her throat and focused. "The other guy trying to put his arm around Caroline's waist is Tyler."

"Her boyfriend?"

"They weren't always boyfriend and girlfriend."

"Damon mentioned they had some kind of Romeo and Juliet thing, since she's a vampire and he was a werewolf-vampire hybrid."

"Yeah, I'm still trying to figure that out, but you can't always help who you love." She said, avoiding his eyes. She glanced at the next picture, her hand shaking.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I will be." Elena said, she handed the phone to him. He looked at the picture, seeing Elena with four other people, a beautiful, dark haired woman, a man that looked like her husband, a red-head woman next to them, and a kid with dark hair that he vaguely recognized from a while ago.

He understood then. "Is this your family?"

"My parents, Aunt Jenna, and my brother, Jeremy." She told him, pointing each one out.

"Jeremy, thought he looked familiar. I'm sorry." He said. "I know they're gone, apart from your brother."

"He's all that's keeping me going right now." Elena said. She flipped to the next picture, it was the group at graduation day. Then she went to the next one after, and frowned. "I don't remember taking this one." She showed it to him. It was Stefan and another blonde girl hanging out at the Grill.

"Lexi." He said.

"You remember her?"

"I've seen pictures of her and from what I've read, she was a close friend, right?"

"She got you out of a lot of rough spots. She was the most incredible person I'd ever met. She was a better friend to you than I was." Elena said.

"That's probably not true. From the way it sounds, Lexi was kind of like a close relative that you couldn't shake, but you were always glad to have her company." They both smiled.

"Yeah, I know the feeling." She flipped over to the next picture, then closed her phone.

"What is it?" He asked.

"I don't know how you're going to feel about this one."

"It can't be that bad."

Reluctantly, she showed him the phone. It was a picture of them. He was wearing the same uniform that the other guys were wearing in the other picture. It looked like they were in the same field.

"That was taken at the beginning of junior year." Elena told him hesitantly. "After we first met, when we'd started dating. Of course, that was before I found out you were a vampire, but still…"

"You look happy."

"We were happy. I felt like nothing bad could happen and you were always there when I needed someone to talk to, no matter what was happening with us. And I'm such an idiot sometimes."

"Are you kidding? I went out with the most amazing girl I know and I don't even remember any of it." Stefan pointed out.

"Maybe the memories will come back with time, or we could find someone to help." Elena said, touching his arm. "Unless you'd rather not remember."

"Even if I did remember, things wouldn't be the same." He pointed out. "It wouldn't bring back any of our friends or change the past."

"I know, but you were better at strategy than the rest of us." Elena said. "Anytime we tried to face an enemy without you, it usually ended in disaster."

"Like the time Klaus had me compelled?" She looked at him, shocked. "Damon told me about that one. Was I really as bad as he said?"

"Well, you were kind of annoying and could be a little mean, but we knew you were still in there." She told him. "Of course, your brother does tend to exaggerate."

"I figured that much out for myself." Stefan said. He turned to another picture. It was another group picture, this time with him, Elena, Bonnie, Jeremy, and Damon.

"That was taken during one of the decade themes that our school loves to throw." Elena told him. "It was also kind of a dark time for our group since we were fighting an all-powerful vampire at the time."

"That would explain the lame outfits." He said. Elena laughed.

"Hey, those dances were still fun, at least, before something bad happened." She said. "But it was still great."

He glanced back at the picture. His arm was around her shoulder. "We must've been pretty happy together."

"I wouldn't have changed anything about our relationship, back then or right now." He looked at her.

"But you're…"

"I know what you're going to say, I know I'm with him, but sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision. In fact, I think it's why haven't been able to write." She pulled her diary back out and started reading what she'd had down so far:

"I feel like something's missing in my life right now. I don't know whether it's because Bonnie's gone, or if it's because something's happened while we were trying to help Stefan. I know that he's hurt, and I know it's our fault. Even if I went back to school, how can I ignore the new problems that keep occurring around me? What should I do now?" She closed her diary.

"That's all I've got. I've been sitting here for the past fifteen minutes with writer's block."

"Whoa. I guess we're the same then."

"In that we're both idiots and can't seem to figure out what to do as the world around us collapses?" Elena asked.

"We're both lost and not sure of what's right at this point." He said. They looked down and realized they were holding hands. "I may not remember our relationship, but I know that something's going on. If you want, you can talk to me about it."

"It feels like, you've still got a part of me. No matter how hard I try to ignore it, you're always going to be in my heart." She told him

"I may not remember much, but I can still feel that we have some kind of connection."

She smiled briefly. "We might not be together right now, but one day, when you're ready, I'd be willing to come back to you. Somewhere deep down, there's a part of me that will never shake you."

"In that case, when the time's right, I'll take you up on that and I'll never stop hoping that there's still a chance for us." He said.

She smiled. "Stefan…" He brushed a strand of her hair back.

"You should probably go. Your friends will likely start looking for you soon."

"I'll tell you a secret about the other day, when we went to the bridge." She told him. She took his hand. "If we had kissed, I wouldn't have regretted it. Sure, I might have felt guilty, but I could never regret anything with you."

"In that case, is it alright if I try something?" She nodded. She thought it was kind of cute that he was nervous. She was surprised when he moved his hand to her face. She blushed, and suddenly felt nervous herself. She pulled back slightly.

In that moment, he could tell she was just as nervous, maybe more, than he was. "It's alright." She said. "I'm just a little nervous…"

"Okay, let's try this: how about you hold still. Try not to talk." She nodded, putting her hand on top of his. He moved closer to her. He looked at her, searching for any signs of uncertainty. She looked at him, a questioning glance in his eyes. She gave him a slight nod, telling him it was okay.

She was only slightly surprised when his lips brushed against hers. She knew it was going to happen, she wasn't expecting to feel as though something sparked inside of her. He pulled back slightly and she pecked him on the lips.

They both looked at each other, not saying anything. Then he blinked, turning out to face the river. Then he looked back at her. "Elena?" This time, she saw recognition in his eyes and all the confusion from before was gone.

"Stefan? Do you…are you…do you remember anything?" She finally got out.

"I remember everything."

"You mean, _everything_ everything?"

"I remember how Katherine turned both of us, and I remember everything that happened between then and now." He told her.

"Do you remember what else happened?" Elena asked.

"I remember being in that room with the witch, and then a lot of pain after it." He told her. "I remember seeing her memorial in the woods." That made Elena turn to him.

"Wait, do you remember everything from when we were trying to get your memory back?"

"Yes." He told her. "And it was fun when we recreated our first meetings." Elena blushed. "I remember you guys trying to help me, and I completely shut you out."

"Hey, it's nothing to feel guilty about. If any of our minds had been messed with, we would've done the same thing." Elena pointed out. He smiled.

"You're right." Then a thought crossed his mind. "Wait, did I actually hit on Caroline?" He shivered. Elena laughed.

"Yeah, you're memories are definitely back. But how did…wait…"

"The witch said that the doppelgangers were meant to find their way back to each other." Stefan said. "At least, before she burned my memories."

"So, when we kissed, it brought your memory back or undid whatever magic was blocking it." Elena said. Then she thought of something. "Stefan, do you remember what happened before we got them back?"

"I do. And I meant every word I said. Even without my memory, I knew that I couldn't give up hope."

Elena wrapped her arms around him. He returned the favor. "You know I have to go back…" She began to whisper.

"Yeah, I know." Stefan told her.

"Just so you know, I mean everything that I said, too. Maybe one day, we'll be together again."

"Hey, no matter what happens, I'll always love you." He kissed her on the cheek.

"I'll call you later." Elena said. She got up and left, feeling better now that he was okay.

He smiled as he watched her leave, knowing that there was enough hope for them to get through anything. Would they find their way back to each other? Maybe they would, maybe they wouldn't, but one thing was sure, he wasn't going to give up on her. After all, who knew what would happen next?

Dear Diary,

I ran into Stefan at today. I think that things will be okay between us. As for everything else, I'm still working on it. Anyway, I guess I should get ready to head back to Whitmore. Even though all of us have a lot to get through, we still need to figure out who killed our roommate and tried to frame us. I'm still really miss Bonnie and wish she were here to help us, but this is one we're going to have to figure out ourselves. I also might still have feelings for Stefan. Right now, the important thing is who went after Megan and why. Even though I didn't know her very well, finding out more about her might help us figure out this happened. I'll write more as I figure out the details.

Elena


End file.
